Home of Portland's premier Unicycle Gang: the Unicycle Bastards > Articles > Santacon; Or How I Broke My Wrist

At first thought I would have considered it a bad idea for a new recruit to the world of unicycling to drink heavily and unicycle. But on second thought, I like to drink and I like to unicycle.

So in November, after about 6 months of unicycling, I decided I was ready to drink heavily and unicycle. It just so happens that the 2008 Santacon for PDX was underway. I borrowed Marge from the Heckle House and headed out with the Bastards in my Santa Regalia.

I planned ahead and brought a liter flask of bourbon along for the trip. First stop, the park across the street to test my down hill ability on Marge on our way to the MAX station. Three drinks at this point in 1 hour,

There we connected with a few other Santas and started our trek to the first stop on the Santcon pub crawl under the Paul Bunion statue in North Portland.

In no time we were ridin’ our wheels from pub to pub. 5 drinks at this point. That was when I lost my balance coming off the curb into the street, and went down on the street. I must admit that it hurt at first as if I had ripped off my thumb. It is important to note that I began drinking in earnest to fight the pain. 8 drinks at this point.

The Santacon, for me, became a test of whether or not drinking affects the “balance” motor memory I had spent the last six months developing. 12 drinks by the last official stop at the Alibi. At this point, most of the patrons in the establishment were in full Santa dress. This lead to the 86ing of the Santas out onto the street.

At this point we were only a few blocks from the Heckle House and that where I was heading. Riding as much as I could, I made it to the couch. I spent the rest of the evening nursing my wrist and keeping the couch from spinning.

Conclusion: You can drink and Unicycle. The balance for riding is hard wired. Managing to ride in a straight line is not covered by the same muscle memory that helps you maintain balance on a unicycle.

Keep your balance.

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