Gunt Hurt III
Posted by Doper on Jan 21, 2010
THESE ONE WHEELED DEATH TRAPS WILL RUN OVER YOUR BABY!! > Articles
Unicycle Articles from the Bastards
The Saddest Thing
It has been said that ” The saddest thing is a retarded man who is crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken someday, and that they’ll play together in a field when it gets better. “
It has also been said that ” The saddest thing is a little girl who is told by her own mother and father that she will never be pretty, and then they open the front door, and on the porch is a little white suitcase, with all of her things in it. “
It has been seen, however, that the saddest thing is my chewed up and mangled nipples.
Pics inside!
Posted by Nipple on Mar 03, 2009
Bastards Take on Ben Hurt III
Unicycle Bastards pool their resources to combat tyranny and boredom. At Ben Hurt III the four horsemen Bastards pull one bad ass Nipple on a fight to the end…
Posted by Monty on Feb 15, 2009
If You Can’t Go on One, Go Xtra-Tall
Of course, the Bastards are all about the one-tire mode of transportation. Of course, as you know, there are times when other forms of transportation are needed. When that need arises, I suggest you take a lesson from one of the founding Bastards and go tall…
Photo By Rick Bernardi, velologue.com
Posted by Monty on Feb 13, 2009
Santacon; Or How I Broke My Wrist
At first thought I would have considered it a bad idea for a new recruit to the world of unicycling to drink heavily and unicycle. But on second thought, I like to drink and I like to unicycle.
Posted by Dizzy on Jan 17, 2009
Top 5 One-wheeled Modes of Transportation
Are you short on cash? Only have one wheel? Trying to figure out how to get around on that wheel? Check out these top 5 ways to to turn your wheel into usable transportation.
Posted by Monty on Jan 17, 2009
Unicycle Ninjas vs. Unicycle Zombies: Battle to the Deth (and yes, I meant to Spell It That Way)
You’ve got your Unicycle Zombies and Unicycle Ninjas. Who do you root for? This article offers the pros and cons of both.
Posted by Lauren on Jan 16, 2009
The First Worst Day Of The Year Ride
The call went out to open the new year with a ride. The decision was made to attend to Scappoose on New Years Day.
Once the drivers and riders were all sorted, and Doper had bailed, we set out.
Posted by Nipple on Jan 16, 2009
Unicycles and Internal Genitalia: Overcumming the “Balance”
More rad women should ride unicycles. Here’s why!
Posted by Lauren on Jan 16, 2009
Unicycling and External Genitalia: What, me worry?
I am not afraid to tell you the cold hard truth about what unicycling does to the groin, testicles and taint. No, the photos aren’t pretty.
Posted by Max Taint on Jan 16, 2009
Photo By 
The Art of the Pull
T’was Bastards Five who did arrive at the doorstep of one Lisa Huppe.
The Bastards Five had prior connived to spread their cheeks, make roots speak and be sure to swallow some hootch.
Roots! Oh roots! Oh, Yes They Spoke. They bellowed, grunted and squealed. But then, away. Their hold gave way to pain; pure and thin.
For what, dear reader, did Bastards Five do to the roots to elicit their protest?
For Bastards Five traded coin to have the hair ripped from their groins as an ultimate bastardly test.
Posted by Gunt on Sep 20, 2008
Unicycle Bastards Invade Seattle
Dead Baby Downhill.
OB Carl’s house of hospitality
I-5 Colonnade skills park.
Posted by Doper on Aug 03, 2008
Poose – A Beginner’s Tale
So I’m going out for a trail ride. There is a first for everything. The choices: should I take the Torker 24” AX or the KH29; the choice might be obvious to anyone, but this KH is almost a virgin and I’ve ridden the Torker like a slutty whore for months playing polo. I’m still uncomfortable mounting the KH. The dice falls for the KH. It is time to break her in, time to see what she is good for.
Posted by Mats on Jul 06, 2008
Pedalpalooza! Cirque Du Cycling!
June is full for pedal-powered fun! With over 200 bike+unicycle events in 2 weeks, 2 parades and a fair there is no better place to have fun than Portland!
Posted by Doper on Jun 02, 2008
Max makes a black cock
Though it looks sort of phallic on your unicycle, it makes almost every aspect of road and off road unicycling more fun
Posted by Doper on May 23, 2008
250 miles on 3 Wheels!
Recently, three bastards pedaled their taints off while riding their 36ers in the Reach the beach century/half century. Reports are coming in that at least one member, when aroused the next morning, was quite stiff. Ahhhhh. Good times!
Posted by Administrator on May 22, 2008
Unicycle Cyclocross 2007 Results
Wow! What a great season for unicyclers in the 2007 Cross Crusade unicross series! Fantastic! For more info, see: CROSSCRUSADE. read more about unicycle cyclocross Congratulations to Series Champ MJfreshyFRESH!!!! Well done! Look out next year, I’m gonna git ya.
Posted by jizz on May 12, 2008
Unicycle Cyclocross
What is Cyclocross? What size unicycles do they ride? What gear should you use? How do you get started?
Posted by Administrator on Oct 22, 2007
Stumptown Joustdown 2007
Max brings home the the unicycle trophy, Doper makes it to the tallbike finals, Saint Pete eats tallbikers for lunch!
Posted by MJ on Jun 10, 2007
Brake without Breaking the Bank
But you can’t afford a Hunter or KH Egocycle and you can’t justify yet another damn unicycle to your poor beleaguerd spouse or bank account, right?
Posted by Ira on May 12, 2007
Plucked
The act of being plucked is much more likely to be experienced while…
Posted by Gunt on May 11, 2007
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