Home of Portland's premier Unicycle Gang: the Unicycle Bastards > About
The Unicycle Bastards are Portland’s Premier Unicycle gang
Contact the Bastards
Questions, Comments, Whateva you can contact us directly. See our learning to ride a unicycle to get tips on riding a unicycle.
Join
You can join the onetireflyer mailing list to keep up with all the local rides and junk. (Warning: List contains adult content). If you’re just curious or have questions then contact us directly.
Upcoming
There are unicycle rides about every week. The rides vary between urban riding, long distance riding and our favorite off-road riding. Check our RIDE/HI JINX CALENDAR for guidance in your everyday life.
THE BASTARD MANIFESTO
What Bastards do:
- Bastards Ride Unicycles
- Bastards Drink Beer
- Bastards Have Fun
- Bastards Compete
- Bastards Looooove peer pressure
- Bastards Enjoy Meeting New Bastards
- Bastards Enjoy New Challenges
- Bastards (mostly)Remember Iran-Contra
- Bastards often think to themselves; “I could Uni that”
- Bastards, whenever appropriate, are inappropriate
What Bastards Don’t Do:
- Bastards Don’t Perform
- Bastards Don’t Perform
- Bastards Don’t Perform
- Bastards Don’t Perform
- Bastards Don’t Perform
- Bastards Don’t whore themselves for the sake of media attention. They whore themselves because they are whores- Dirty, Dirty whores. They also do not use the “bastard” name in vain whilst whoring.
Who Bastards Are:
- Bastards Have Mortgages
- Bastards Have (ex)Spouses
- Bastards Have Lives outside of Bastardom
- Bastards Are Watching you
- Bastards Are Neither Boring nor Predictable
- Bastards Have Pre-existing Medical Conditions
- Bastards Are Titillated By Taint Waxing
- Bastards Are More Glorious Than The Sparkliest of Sparkly-Underpants
- Bastards Cannot be Defined by Some Random Dumbass Drinking Pinot Grigio from a Box and Writing an Obscure Column For Unicyclers.
- Bastards Follow the Teachings of Marx, Groucho Marx.
